labyrinth

Around and around and around she goes...when and if she'll stop....nobody knows...I wonder, am I rat in a maze? Am I running though and around the turns traversing the sometimes never changing, never ending paths in front of me only to end in a brick wall? Why does it feel the labyrinth changes as I learn the paths? Why am I running so franticly to get to.....what seems to be nowhere? Doors that open and doors that close....would that one door truly does open as one closes in order to get you to the places you want to go.....I feel Alice's pain as I look down the hallway of doors......some I am too large to go through....some locked with keys I will never find...or so it feels....Where is my "drink me" bottle?I feel so like something trapped in a maze at times....wondering if the path only looks the same but that the route has been changed in order to test me and my fragile psyche to see if we are really able to withstand the frustration of never getting to the cheese ( who I might add stands alone...).I am sitting here in front of a fire with my laptop in my artsy fartsy temporarily and oddly quiet ( at least for this second) house, surrounded by four legged creatures of all species (some of whom I am having to remove from the computer keyboard as we "speak"), sipping my coffee with whip cream and caramel while my beautiful two legged monsters slumber....I am happy. There is calm and joy in in my heart. But time after time I find myself in the labyrinth... actually I wonder if I ever really leave....Why look around the corner? Why search for the elusive..or perhaps non existent thing I do not have? Or is that my nature? Is that human nature? I have only to open my eyes and see my fortune....I need only hug my children to feel my riches....Why then do I search? Who and what am I searching for? The "key" to the door, that I use to unlock the door, and then what? Another ends door? Another hallway that turns into a dead end? And what if I unlock the door and all that is there are the monsters that I have hidden in this closet I locked away myself? Funny how the mind works...how we torture ourselves but go onward anyway....is this ridiculous soliloquy just a mental masturbation that is philosophical fluff and blown to the winds with the other flotsam and jetsam that will ultimately be tossed on the waves and end at the bottom of my mental seas...Again back to the labyrinth...again around this turn I see that the door is all that is in front of me.....Would that I could open it and find.....What?!!! "Happily ever after", an end to that endless self created angst, or a bandage to hold back the bleeding of my heart? I only wish for the "bippity boppity boo"...( however I am sure the fairy god mother has her own agenda too...). I will continue down the hallway. Open the doors as they come and I hope if we meet along the way we give each other some of our mental notes so you and I can get through our individual journeys....perhaps that is the meaning of life...or perhaps we all need the purpose of the labyrinth with the promise of the end.....even though we all don't really want to get there...it is the adventure of the journey that we seek....with that I'll close this door and hope to see you again somewhere along the way on the other side...